Rough Draft
We Americans of the 21st century are always getting persuaded by propaganda to buy these new gadgets. All these companies are spending cash in order to make advertisements for their new products, that they want us to buy in order to get sucked into oblivion. Like in the movie Wall E the humans were oblivious to what was happening to them until the robot got them to come to their senses. We Americans spend countless amounts of money, were addicted to this stuff, and lastly we find an easy way out.
1st paragraph is going to be about us Americans spending way to much money (including one piece of evidence)
2nd paragraph is going to be about us being addicted to stuff (including one piece of evidence)
3rd paragraph is going to be about us finding an easy way out of things (including one piece of evidence)
Conclusion: Restate my thesis and my main argument and end with an ending statement.
statement.
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you seem like you have all your ideas together. however this seems more like a rough draft of an outline.
ReplyDelete1. make sure you have a clear thesis statement. just know the point your are trying to prove.
2. then make sure it follows with evidence that supports what your saying. it would be a good idea to include more than just one point of evidence. there are allot of articles in the paper about teens who become addicted to video-games or movie and that leads them to committing crimes. finding stories like that for example might help you support your point.
hope this was helpful. good luck richie :)
RIchie,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your post i realized how strong your ideas were. I think if you organize your ideas better in your outline it will in turn improve not only the outline but your entire essay as a whole because you will be able to easily refer back to it hen you are moving from one argument to another. I think that your third argument, the one about finding an easy way out of things is very interesting. I think you should explain in detail though how you plan to carry out this argument. Besides that though i think you are on the right track to writing a very good essay about this topic.
keep up the good work